Can You Be Hated For No Reason?

I don’t know what other title to put for this one and I sure as fuck have been waiting a LONG time to write about this.

I used to wonder why people tended to move away from me as soon as I tried getting close. It’s not because I wanted to bother them but because I wanted to talk. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong but I doubt they knew or cared. They just wanted to get away from me and me with the life I was living, couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I went to school, I went home and straight to my room. I played video games a bit but they reminded me of the very things that bothered me. There was a time I watched porn everyday but I ended up feeling discouraged. I felt empty and I needed something else to kill the pain. I smoked and that’s when I really started feeling ‘good’ for the 1st time in my life. But the effect went away and I was back to feeling empty. I lost sleep thinking about it. Thinking about how the next day was gonna be when I saw these people.

I’d sit next to some girl and she’d move away. I wasn’t ‘in love’ with her and I sure didn’t even think she was that attractive. Most of them were chubby and 3s-5s on a scale of 1-10. It was even more embarrassing for me when it happened in front of other people. Or I’d say hi to a girl and she’d just look at me like I was a piece of shit. That ate me when I got home and eventually, I got to a point where I’d RATHER not say hi to someone I know because I feared they were gonna ignore me. I WAS a piece of shit. I WAS a weirdo. I WAS a loser. I WAS unwanted.

It’d be weird if I was in a room talking to a lot of people about this very thing.

And it wasn’t just with girls, I’d get the same thing with other guys. A few of them pointed out something about me was weird and left it at that. I tended to not do what I was supposed to do because I wanted to be the ‘better’ person.

There’s no such thing. I was personally never taken seriously by other guys until I had a fight which ended with me flushing a toilet with his head in it. I got suspended but I didn’t give a fuck. I’ve been in other fights since then and you’d say it was over trivial shit if you knew what it was about. Some guy said I looked like a little boy to him, I fought him over that. Some guy said I was ‘rude’ and me having the anger issues I had, I fought him later too. I found out some other guy had been talking, I went and hit him and we scrapped.

A lot of these fights were started by me and I can’t say I regret that. I’m not a troublemaker, I just want to get along with everybody but some people in my life made that difficult for me.

I didn’t know where the hate came from. And why I was hated so much when I didn’t do shit. I didn’t know what someone could know about me that I didn’t know they knew.

I was very paranoid and it harmed how I looked at people. How I talked to people. How I carried myself (my body language turned a few people off.)

It can’t all be so simple and when I learned that and got the fuck out of the house, my life changed and things didn’t bother me like they used to.

How Much Are You Willing To Pay?

“If it flies, floats, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent.” – Rev. Lawrence Shannon

The price doesn’t just have to be in cash. Plenty of men pay more than cash. They don’t just buy women things to be nice. They don’t spend $48,000 (or whatever) on a wedding ring just because. They want a companion, somebody who’ll be like a best friend but a sex doll at the same time. And for that, they suffer but you can’t tell the male hamster anything when it’s spinning wild. I’ve tried and I doubt no other man has.

You have to let it happen. When he thinks something, she suddenly thinks it too. Call it ‘love,’ I call this manipulation. Women are like chameleons in this way but if a man wants to eat it up, good. When he likes something, she suddenly likes it too. He likes video games, she’s now a ‘big fan’ of Mortal Kombat and all the other ‘classics’ even though she won’t name them because she probably doesn’t care to begin with. But it sounds good and that’s what a man wants to hear. If he doesn’t like something, she’ll adapt to that too. His friends? Cut off the single ones who won’t enable her to do what she’s there to do and keep the ones who will. Sometimes, the rule would be to cut off the single ones altogether.

When she gets what she wants, she’ll leave or just tell them to leave and that’s that. No remorse, no feeling and no semblance of empathy. It’s just time for the man to go. There are plenty of women out here who are good housekeepers. They leave a man yet keep his house. He can go live in the projects for all she cares. He tried reforming her after she showed him who she truly was and she destroyed him. She zapped him mentality and suddenly, he was left with no girl, no glory and no drive. He gave up on whatever dream he had when he was unable to end the relationship. He didn’t leave the scene of the crime in time.

All this talk about a man ending up alone, having nobody to come home to is funny. Not being able to meet someone like the one they have now again? Not being taken care of when they get older? Not getting to know what it’s like to have kids? Just more rubbish. All this basically says is a man is nothing without the woman in his life who tells him things like these. But who exactly is this woman? Right…

On the matter of paying, sex is just an act. When I was younger, to hear people talk about it, I was very anxious to get it over with, see how it feels and go back to school and brag about it. When it finally happened, I didn’t brag. I had nothing to brag about and I relegated myself to not seeing it is as a big deal.

I don’t blame men who outright pay for it because most sex is paid for anyway. She has to get a free dinner. She has to get free movie tickets. She has to have ‘nice things’ bought for her, as if anybody ever pined for something shitty. Sometimes, she has to get a ring for her to convince herself the man ‘cares’ before it can all happen.

The STD argument is dead to me. A lot of these ‘regular’ girls aren’t even close to being virgins. They lost their flowers a very long time ago. The quiet, sweatpants-wearing girl that sits in the back corner of a college class could have had her share of guys already (say 15,) you just didn’t know it. And if you see this girl, she’s probably nothing special anyway.

Get it when you need it, whatever way that is.

Too Many 2nd Chances

A woman can ‘slut’ it up in her teens and 20s and still land a husband. She can still have that ‘mother’ label that nobody can ever take away from her, especially the man who put a ring on her finger. Women being loose isn’t a problem, at least that’s what I think. Men wouldn’t see it as so if they got to have THEIR share of cake when they were young too. A few do but most don’t so they’ll settle for scraps and still look dead behind the eye and miserable.

The problem is some of the things that some of them did. And it’s not like there aren’t men who do it too. There definitely are but most men are in no position to be holding that much power. Women know this, why can’t men?

It’s amazing how these women were constantly given 2nd chances in life and it’s like nothing ever happened. There’s this guy they cheated on. There’s this other guy they stuck with a baby and no, I couldn’t care less if he did have sex. If a man sees an opportunity to have sex, he’ll take it. That doesn’t mean he consents to being a father. There may have been these other guys whose reputations she ruined but nobody cares because it’s still about her and not the damage she did. Maybe there are guys who actually aren’t around because she sent a proxy to do her dirty work for her. The proxy’s still the guilty one though, she was just a victim of 2 men who wanted to fight over her. Only one of them ended up dead. Go figure.

These women never run out of 2nd chances. They may completely bomb but there’s always a 2nd try. Men can see ‘glimpses of their talent.’ They actually believe there’s a lot more to them than what they see. Or what they hear.

Eventually, these women did give some more men a flash of the talent they had and the men held on to them. People forgave them even if they were so inconsistent in this area that it wasn’t even funny. There always had to be something great about them even if they consistently proved they were nothing special at all. Some were bottom-of-the-barrel and still got off like it was nothing.

Some of them weren’t con artists but the people evaluating them were still stupid as fuck.

Being a woman in itself wasn’t the crime. Being a ‘slut’ wasn’t. But the cheating showed a lack of spine. And so did the proxy violence. So did sticking a guy with a baby even when he didn’t want it. He didn’t have a choice but she still went ahead and took advantage. And people still loved her. Even the lies she told about certain men were kept in the dark but the men themselves were scarred forever, especially if the lie was about a rape that never happened.

She came, she saw, she conquered… and people celebrated… no matter what.

Men Can’t ‘Love’ Any More Than Women

I like this song.

I hear that women love opportunistically. That they love because the man has money. Because of his car. Because of his house. Because he’s famous. Because of the ‘power’ he exudes. Because of this, because of that.

I’m by no means refuting any of these things. Money, power and fame are the pinnacle of being a man in my opinion. You have money, nobody tells you what to do, everyone knows you and everyone pretends to love you. You’re basically the boss. I’m imagining few things feel better. But imagine this. Imagine if a man lost all those things. The women he got from him being rich, won’t be there because they were there for his riches in the 1st place. Mike Tyson alluded to this: “Once the money goes, so do the hoes.”

Men with his fame know the deal. They know that if not for their fame, the women they normally get would just be women they’d like to have fucked. Hugh Hefner knows what’s up. And he’s not playing it off as some ‘love’ bullshit, he kept it real. When he was asked, “Why do you think they want to be with you?” he answered “I don’t question their motivations.” Their motivations were money, power and fame and his were Playboy models.

I personally agree with people who think women can’t really love a man. They have to love you for a reason. They can’t just love you because it ‘just makes sense.’ That in itself wouldn’t make sense. Women love the love, not the men. If a man doesn’t have what they’re there for, they’re gone.

Having said that, I won’t sit here and pretend men are angels. I in fact don’t think men are that much different from women. Most people in general can’t love worth a damn. The reason what women do can look so bad is because men haven’t been conditioned to question what they hear from them. They haven’t been conditioned to know that what they see is really not what’s there when it comes to women. You could see a girl that goes to church yet I could see the same girl bent over in her bed even if I’m not married to her. You could see a ‘slut’ but another man could see that same woman as his ‘one and only.’ He wouldn’t love her if she didn’t have something (by default) that he wanted. We know most men can’t have money, power or fame by default in the same way all women can have a sugarwall. He wouldn’t love her if he could get her, 10 of her, more attractive than her and with less mileage. He wouldn’t love her if had another release to let his ‘love’ out for. It’s all nonsense.

The ‘one and only’ is probably just the one and only pussy he can get. I can’t fathom why this is even considered love. It’s like a guy acting like every GF is the 1st GF and fighting hard to hold on to her. Overlooking things that are OBVIOUS and doing whatever it takes to make it work. It doesn’t matter if she’s a crack addict. It doesn’t matter if she’s a psycho. It doesn’t even matter if she’s suicidal, which can go hand in hand with being a psycho. That poon still has use and that’s apparently all that matters: yet this can be dismissed as ‘love.’ *shaking my head*

This isn’t love. This is ‘I don’t have any other options so I might as well try to marry this chick.’ I’m in college and I’ve met a guy who ALREADY contemplated getting married to GF of 3 years. Sad thing they’re not together anymore and he’s trying to get with her best friend now. Maybe women have a different code but I’d never do something like that to one of my bros.

It’s the end-all be-all. It’s the holy grail. It’s sex. It’s what passes as love yet a lot of men would do well to know that the simple act of rubbing one off will reinforce what they ALREADY thought of the girl. Would they spend thousands of dollars on a woman just to look at her? When a man wants to spend money to look at a woman, he’ll go to a strip club, not a dinner date.

A few months ago, I remember this conversation I had with somebody where he was talking to me about how he was in love with this girl yet she kept fucking other guys (and bragging about it to him.) I remember asking him what he thought love was. He simply said it was when you’re around someone and they make you feel happy. I kept pushing it and brought up that anybody can feel happy around their family or friends. Anybody could just call that love and call it a day. That this girl might feel better around her friends than with him because he likes her so much and she just can’t be bothered with that at this stage of her life. He’s not in her plans but he won’t let go.

This isn’t love, it’s lust. It slows down the lives of men anywhere. One moment, they have an ambition to do something and to be somebody better than who they are today, then the next moment, that drive is gone.

I think I’ve said enough.

 

If You Win Yet Don’t Draw, It’s Time To Go

The Atlanta Braves won their division 14 straight seasons from 1991-2005. They went to 4 World Series in that time (won one) and they also made it to the League Championship round 9 times. They had 3 of the best pitchers ever and they could hit better than almost anybody. They were the perfect team… yet barely anybody ever went to the games.

Even in the playoffs, they rarely sold out. I figure people must have thought they were gonna win so it wasn’t worth watching anyway. The thing is they didn’t always beat teams people thought they should have beat but yet they stayed perennial favorites to win the NL for the whole 90s.

The point is they’re a successful team yet you wouldn’t be able to tell from watching their attendance. Minnesota and Colorado have better attendance for crying out loud. Someone could think this is just because the sport in question is baseball and it’s too slow-paced for people to like it but I’ll come back to that.

The Rays and Marlins have a problem that’s similar but they’re minor compared to Atlanta. First off, the Rays started off as a basement team. Then they became the Rays and they were good all of a sudden. They’ve been good for the last 5 years but that doesn’t stop them from being in the bottom 10 when you talk about standings. The Marlins, on the other hand, have never had any consistency. They have won 2 World Series (more than Atlanta?) but outside of that, they’ve never done anything spectacular. It’s funny how the 2 times when they have, they broke up the team and ended any chance the team was gonna have new fans. Now they’re in a new stadium and since they did it again, it’s only fair to expect they have about 15 people showing up per game again like they did in that football stadium.

The Marlins owner’s son-in-law brought up a pretty good point. He drew a cross on a piece of paper (4 squares) and he started naming them. One section was no win/draw. The other was no draw/no win. Then there was no draw/win. And finally, there was win/draw. He was talking about drawing fans, something the Marlins have never done anyway. Maybe the ballpark could sell itself and not need the team to win. Maybe fans wouldn’t come in because the team’s bad anyway. Maybe the team won games but still didn’t draw. And maybe the team won games and drew because of that.

If you win yet you don’t draw fans, it’s time to go. Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Miami, Oakland. These teams should be on the move and not necessarily out of state, just to a place where they’ll be better able to get fans to come through. Most Braves fans don’t live in Atlanta but Georgia in general has plenty of them, you just wouldn’t know because of the lousy transportation that discourages them from coming in. Same with Tampa bay on the latter front. Miami was just never a baseball market. It’s never really been a market for anything outside of maybe the Hurricanes. The Dolphins, forget it. The Marlins have won 2 championships yet have no following, it’s about time for them to go. Miami isn’t really a sports town, period. Way too much competition for that to be possible. The A’s play in a football stadium. That speaks for itself.

I mentioned baseball being slow-paced and how that can drive people away. I’m sure it does but it’s not like Atlanta has ‘vendetta’ against the Braves, no way. The Thrashers left to Winnipeg about 2 years ago. Before that, Atlanta had the Flames who are in Calgary now. Atlanta lost 2 NHL teams. It’s obvious by now it’s not a hockey market, let alone a baseball market. Only the Falcons and Hawks (kind of) matter there, that’s it.

Skeletons In The Closet

Thomas Sowell once said, “There are only two ways of telling the complete truth – anonymously and posthumously.” I want to address 2 random things that popped into my head just now.

Relationships are founded on misunderstandings a lot. There’s this adage that a man can go into a relationship thinking the woman will love him for him. Why not? What man wants to go into a relationship knowing the woman’s only there for his money or because of how famous he is? At least men have to be conscious because when the money or fame that drew these women in goes, they go. Look at NFL players after they retire. Most of them end up broke, irrelevant and hence, alone. Many of them are so focused on football that there’s certain knowledge they should have yet don’t. When they’re done with anyway, it’s nothing. There are no feelings, no consciousness and no empathy from a woman to a man once she got what she wanted out of him. What many of these men didn’t know came back to bite them.

To another subject, I never liked the saying “hell hath no fury like a woman scorn.” You don’t wanna have a woman angry at you but that’s besides the point. An angry woman can’t compete with an angry man… especially if said man is the type that can’t get laid. Hell hath no fury like a man who can’t get laid. A man who can’t get trim will feel shunned by society and by even his own mother (or family) because in all likelihood, they lied to him about how things really are. This is where all the shootings, rapes and suicides come in. People will say these people were ‘quiet loner’ types but there might be a reason for that. I’m even pondering it myself. Are men depressed because they can’t get women or can they not get women because they’re depressed?

I do get that a ‘quiet loner’ doesn’t necessarily have to be depressed but I believe most are. I was one myself once because I believed if I got close to people, they’d run away. I was afraid of the frustration I would have felt and I was afraid to have anything on me that I could have used as a weapon. With time, that passed. I got myself together, approached people and most importantly, expected the worst out of them. If I got anything else besides that, I’d be happy.

Humility, Winning and Forgiveness

Lately there has been this story about how Lance Armstrong finally admitted to taking PEDs. I’m not a cycling fan but this story reminded me of a few others I’ve heard. Like with Ray Lewis and Michael Vick. Or Tiger Woods. Or Kobe Bryant. A-Rod. Ben Roethlisberger. And who knows, maybe even OJ Simpson. The list is probably longer than the George Washington Bridge. All of these athletes at one point or another had a major scandal off the field.

Ray Lewis with murder. Michael Vick with dogfighting. Tiger Woods with cheating. Kobe Bryant with rape. A-Rod with steroids. OJ Simpson also with murder, the only difference being this led to the “trial of the century” where he came out “not guilty” yet there has been some debate about that over the years.

The day after Super Bowl 35 in 2000, Ray Lewis was arrested for the stabbings of 2 men outside of an Atlanta club. From what I heard one time, he was arrested when he was found in trunk of a car. That’s strange. Why would an “innocent” man be hiding in a trunk? Then again, maybe the story isn’t accurate but that wouldn’t change that Ray Lewis never went to jail over this. He claimed he was being a peacemaker and that was that. He settled with the victims’ families for $2 million which in itself might indicate guilt too. Supposedly only a guilty man would give away millions of dollars like that. He also paid $250K to the NFL in a fine and from then on, the controversy went away.

The murder trial

The Ravens went 12-4 the next season and made the playoffs for the 1st time. First they beat the Broncos, then the Titans then the Raiders and finally, the Giants. They’d won the Super Bowl and Ray Lewis was the MVP. He’s been thought of as one of the league’s consistently great players since then as well as one of the 2 or 3 best players ever at his position. His team has gone to 3 AFC title games in the last 5 years and given that he’s retiring this year, it’s only fitting that he may have a chance to win another Super Bowl this year. What happened in 2000 is in the rear-view mirror now. Anybody would be hard-pressed these days to find a story about it either on NFL’s main website or ESPN. It’s as if it never happened and that’s a credit to Ray Lewis’ reputation. He’s been a great player for a long time. He’s the heart and soul of the team. He’s respected around the league, let alone Baltimore. He hasn’t had any more scandals since and he has been “forgiven,” if we are to believe that he really did commit those 2 murders.

He’s one of the most admired players in the league. This is class right here